awards

There I was in my room at The Leows Hotel in Center City, Philadelphia – The City of Brotherly Love – ironing my blood red, double collared Zara button-up buck ass naked, watching Topher Grace on the TV in “Take Me Home Tonight” and practicing my acceptance speech for Qfest’s Rising Star Award. Yes, I was hammering out the wrinkles in my cotton, using an iron set to high steam mode just inches from my swinging, completely exposed most prized physical appendage.  Don’t be alarmed; I’ve done stupid things and regarded my dick with far more reckless abandon than wielding the hottest appliances within mere inches before. 

Hey, I was in a time crunch. Hence the multitasking theme of the evening. And yes, you’re right. I could’ve easily just put my tighty whities on and severely diminished the awful chances of burning my dick. Sometimes, you just wanna iron your clothes naked.

I think it’s no secret; I’m the defiant sort. I do what I want – even when I know it’s not the best decision for my person. 

It wasn’t until I slipped on my red striped socks, strapped on my new black dress shoes and stood up to recite the last bit of what I wanted to leave the audience with before the screening of “I Was A Teenage Werebear” that I realized it was best to break down then, in peace and privacy, instead of facial contorting sobs where an entire procession of people could witness. 

I find that if I let loose the emotions that are are welling up inside me on my own time, I can avoid doing it in front of people in a way that can be embarrassing. Embarrassing purely because sometimes when I get going, I don’t have much control over when I stop.  I don’t cry often at all. This is, if I had to theorize, probably why when I do begin to cry I cannot stop easily. So, as you might imagine, I do sit in my room alone, or even sit in my car alone, and just let it all flow.  I am a grown man. My father never taught me it was okay to be emotional – but he also never taught me it wasn’t. And I thank him for that.  I’ve been afforded the chance to decide for myself. Though somewhere within me I have my own hang ups about this – I realize my father’s nurture (or lackthereof) has counteracted some of my strange nature. 

So often it’s not one reason or anything in particular that set the tears streaming. It’s everything and nothing at all. 

But this particular time, tucking in my new red shirt into my underwear and buttoning my slacks, it was a line in my speech. One line. By the way, yes, when I wear slacks and button ups I have a habit of buttoning my shirts into my undergarments. The shirt stays in place better and I don’t have to keep fussing with it all night. Yes, you have my permission to use this little trick of mine for yourself. It can be our little secret. 

The line that kept choking me up? 

“If I can change MY stars, anyone can do it.” 

In so many words this was my point. Naturally, I intended it to be less obviously self-disparaging, but still the very point that was killing my heart softly. 

The support I’ve received from filmmakers and friends and much of queer cinema this last year has been more than a little overwhelming. At first I wanted to just think of it as a temporary fad. I didn’t want to believe that it was bankable, probable, fixture for me. And then when Erik Schute from TLA Releasing called me and asked me to come to Philadelphia for the first time in my life to accept an award for being the next up-and-comer to deserve recognition, I had to stop pretending. 

It’s easy to shrug off the compliments when they are coming from your director, writer, friends and the people who make the films with you. Why? Because they already see it within you and you know they see it because they choose you. It’s also easy to thank the fans with a smile and a nod when they graciously ply you with encouragement and comments outside of the realm of how great you get fucked on film. 

But when the third largest queer film festival in America, one of the most respected screening programs on the festival circuit, says you’ve got a real fucking chance at something you want – something you’ve been deathly afraid of admitting you want for too long because the moment you proclaim the truth you fear every chance and opportunity will leave without a trace – then you kinda, sorta gotta stop lying to yourself and everyone for the sake of some pathetic attempt at preserving what you think is dignity. 

Sometimes the world will only give you a hint, a glimmer of yes, and you’ve gotta just grab it. Take it for yourself. Because “yes’s” become “maybe’s” and then “no’s” too quickly. Chances aren’t open-ended. But most bottoms are.  Eew, did I just committ that to my gay porn blog?

This is not something I can do alone. I’ve always known that. Because of being well aware of such a fact, I’ve always been reluctant. When your fate is rooted too squarely in the hands of other people it’s petrifying.  

When enough people give you a chance and you can prove it’s within you to deliver: it’s emotional.

Your Friend & Lover,
Brent Corrigan is the new Sean Paul Lockhart

The 2011 Cybersocket Awards! It’s such a mistake to sit and wait for some profound observation to present itself to you after an evening like The Cybersocket Awards. For me, anyway, the evening went off without a hitch. There was no show stopping drama. No one attacked me or even spilled their drink on me! The limo showed up on time and it was a true pleasure having two of my models from Working Hard joining me for the ride over to the event. I hadn’t seen Andy Banks in a year or more. When I realized I had best find myself a date to join me for the evening Andy just seemed like the obvious candidate. He’s such a sweetheart and he seems so at ease with his surroundings – even at a porn award show.  And he kisses my ass better than any one else who has ever worked for me. What award winning bottom doesn’t love a good ass kissin’? :-P

I normally don’t put much thought into preparation for something like this.  The reality of it is, no matter how big these things get or how crazy one might percieve them to turn out it’s always more about seeing one another than the pagentry or show. Now, I haven’t been a part of the adult industry all that long, and I certainly haven’t made a point to attend each and every one of these things since my introduction, but I’ve always been given the distinct impression that there isn’t much more to it than that. What makes Cybersocket different is the surfer’s choice aspect of the voting system. As a contributor to the industry on a producer/model/personality level, and a voter, I realize how much trust we are putting in Cybersocket to honestly arrive at the award outcome.  The other award shows predominantly operate on a “What you get is what we decide to give you” platform, which creates a general acceptance to swing with the tide.

I’ve always chosen to separate myself from the debauchery and craziness that is known to be an ever-present component to events thrown by the gay porn industry. I’m so good at this that I’m practically blind to it when it’s happening right around me.  There are times, in the days after an award show, I’ll be hearing about something that happened or something some star did and the first thought that pops into my head is, “When did THAT happen and where was I?” I don’t give blow jobs back stage, I don’t get rimmed on stage, and I try to keep most of my clothes on when I’m in public. Kind of boring of me, huh? Although, I have been tempted to flash my ass when accepting an award but always thought better of it. As great as it is to be recognized for hard work, it certainly isn’t working arriving in a limo but leaving in a squad car. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but sometimes, all it takes it a little crack to illicit some unwanted attention. Besides, a bare ass at a gay porn event isn’t exactly a novel idea, if you know what I mean!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: It’s just so great to get in a club, or a theatre house, or even a dive bar with dozens or hundreds of like minded people working in the same field.  I’m not saying we are better than any one else, but working, fucking, living and breathing the gay porn industry can be an awfully lonely place for someone who does it alone. We’re just no appropriate for most of every day life. Many of us, certainly myself included, spend the vast majority of our day to day lives pretending to be someone else just so we can harness these brief moments of fame, release or accolades. The point I’m making is, even the gay community has it’s qualms with what it is we do as individuals. Get in a room with 500 other people who do what you do and it’s not like you’re The Last Unicorn anymore. 

Please don’t misunderstand my point here. I’m not lodging a complaint – merely making aware that everyone has their hitching points, their heartaches – even sexy porn stars like Landon Mycles:

I ended up with a bevvy of random images from the night. In place of trying to narrate everything, I’ll leave you to your own conclusions.  Here they are!

David Townsend, star of Jett Black’s new mainstream horror feature Bite Marks! He also appears in Brent Corrigan’s HEAT, available to my VIP member’s. GET YOUR MEMBERSHIP HERE.

Obviously, self explanatory:

Rupaul’s Drag Race Season 2 Contestant Morgan McMichael’s. One of the nicest, sweetest, sexiest people in a dress!

Porn Star Shane Frost, world renowned DJ Joe Gauthreaux (we did an event together way back when!), and me.

The boys and me with Donny Wright (on the right!). The treasure in the middle is up and coming star Davina Love.

I ALMOST FORGOT! I took home Best New Site for www.TheNewBrentCorrigan.com! Actually, I didn’t forget. I just wanted to be strategic about mentioning it! This is the second time, second website, I’ve been awarded a “Best Site” accolade. In 2008 I was voted “Best Porn Star Blog” for my work at BCi. It was such a thrill knowing I could not only TOP my original award of just “Best Blog” and turn it into an overall Best New Website – particularly because I developed this project on my own with the help of Mark Wilson, my developer. No partners this time around! Thank you to Cybersocket for presenting me with this award and THANK YOU ALL OF YOU for recognizing my hard work from 2010! (Here I am taking great oral pleasure in my victory)

Yummy Peter Le, Winner of the 2011 Best Asian Themed Site. Impossibly sexy, I KNOW, right?!

Long time friends & forever favorites Brent Everett and partner Steve Pena. Always a pleasure reliving some of our more fond memories together:

Riding home in the limo with Andy Banks. Have you seen our scene together? We make one of my favorite on-screen pairings! If you like fresh guys with long, shaggy hair you can’t miss that scene. Aesthetically it truly is one of my all time favorites!

WATCH MY SCENE WITH

ANDY BANKS AS A VIP MEMBER!