It’s a beautiful, drizzly day in San Diego and I’m feeling a bit more introspective, so I figured I sit down and share a little bit of what has been on my mind. When I don’t do this, I think the rumor mill kicks into overdrive. Too many of my faithful (though much appreciated) followers have very overactive imaginations!
First of all, I’m fine. The worst of it these days is the amount of time I have been spending alone. When I returned home from Seattle I only had 12 hours with Papi before he had to return to New Mexico. He’s overseeing Thoroughbred racing out there. He works 6 days a week. I stayed behind to run the company from home & catch up on some business missed while I was shooting Judas Kiss. It’s been more than 2 months since we’ve spent any quality time together. Maintaining a long distance relationship puts a lot of strain on two lovers. It’s been tough.
Some time ago we entered into a dispute with our landlord where we share a home together in San Diego. The dispute stemmed from a verbal agreement we had arranged with him to begin paying rent on the 10th of each month, in place of the first. Three months after the arrangement, the old goat asked us to move because we were late on rent 3 months in a row. He’s so out there all the time I’m not surprised he didn’t remember. In a written declaration Paul and I accounted for every last dollar that we put into upgrades on the property. It amounted nearly $4,000 and the landlord refused to pay it – so we’ve entered into a legal dispute. While Paul is away I’ve been looking for a new home & preparing to move the life we’ve built together. This is a task I must admit I am not anticipating. While Paul and I never believed we were going to stay in this place forever, we weren’t prepared to abandon all the money and energy we had invested in it right away, either.
Paul and I have discussed very openly about moving out to New Mexico for the duration of the racing season. The cost of living is more manageable and they get four seasons since it’s the high desert. I have to be honest, a real fall and a real winter sounds quite appealing. I know, you think I’m crazy for admitting this out loud to you right now. Another great reason for moving is the opportunity for me. I’ll get a chance to be around the horses and I’ve been offered some work breezing/exercising racehorses. This to me is a dream job! When I was a young boy I wanted to be a jockey. No, I don’t want to be one now (I’m actually too big, believe it or not!). But, working around them is the next best thing. Don’t worry, I have great health insurance. I know how crazy those animals are. So the plan is to go to New Mexico for the end of the season, then on to El Paso for 4 months of racing there, and then back to New Mexico where the season starts back up again. I know. El Paso? I don’t care where I am as long as I’m around the horses. A dream job is still a dream job – even if it’s in Ugly Ass West Texas. No offense if you live in West Texas. I can pretty much run my company from anywhere. I’ll still be HERE when I’m there.
So, if you’re a member of my website you know I haven’t been filming too much at all in the last year. I’ve avoided opening dialog about why this is for so long because I didn’t want to seal anything in writing. My feelings about working in front of the camera have changed a lot. What was once effortless and natural for me has become somewhat of a chore. So I’ve resigned to taking some time off over the last year or so. It hasn’t been until recently that I have felt that itch again. Also, something should be said for the relationship I have been in. Out of respect for my lover, Paul, I’ve also kept things on the quieter side regarding my work as an adult star. I’ll say it again, I’m not retiring! Just slowing down. Quality over quantity, always! Besides, I know for a fact that you’d rather see me on my A game or not see me at all, right?
I’ve been lightly casting for some new adult projects in the works. You can apply to come be a part of this and other projects here: Fill out a Model Application. I am focusing very closely on this next project because I want everything to be as close to perfect as possible. I’m also evolving the kind of models I want to work with & around. I want to go more college-age with it. Fewer skinny, bony ass twinks – more studly, jocky young men. Personally, it’s what I like more, and if I’m going to shoot some new work I want to be just as turned on as the rest of you are!
I’m still trudging along on my book. I’ve recently opened dialog with some friends of mine about developing a one man show for a small stage in Los Angeles. I know, we’ve been here before. Some things work, most things don’t. Previously when we set out to develop The Masseur our main obstacle was finding the other actor that was comfortable working with me on stage. Theatre doesn’t pay much anyway and I got the sense that the risk of working with a gay porn star was not worth it to any of the actors fit for the role. The other actor had to be many things (masculine, very well built, and convincing as a married, closeted gay man) – these things, quite honestly, were not easy to find in many actors comfortable playing that type of role. Eventually we abandoned our efforts because it was looking more and more bleak. At one point, we even entertained the idea of having Paul play the other character opposite of me. Paul, though I love him dearly, wasn’t right for the role, either.
I actually did a video blog entry after finishing filming Judas Kiss, but when it ran 16+ minutes long YouTube rejected the clip. It wasn’t until recently that I learned that YouTube doesn’t allow videos more than 10 minutes (fact check? That’s just something a friend told me). Upon watching it again I was thinking I’d just redo it. However, I’m a strong believer in the “power of the moment” and what is revealed regarding feelings or thoughts at the time. I’m frustrated at the quality of this video. I think from now on I am going to film with my Canon Vixia, upload to my editing bay, and do it the long way. It’s much more labor intensive, but the quality is leaps and bounds above what you see here. Blah, I need a tan. I know:
Lots of other new things coming! I’m doing a video collaboration with web personality and blogger Randy Rainbow, as well as an ALL NEW Brent Corrigan solo to be added to the VIP section.
Your Friend & Lover,